Manna: “Okay kitties, if you want to live with humans, you have to learn to take really good care of them. Without a kitty to guide them, they are totally lost.”
Cinco: “I miss Mommy.”
Manna: “How can you miss her? She’s not even gone yet! Go look in the bedroom.”
Cinco: ” I know, but she’s going to leave tomorrow. I’m getting a head start on my whining.”
Manna: “Seriously Cinco? This is how you’re going to start the first post of our takeover? Stop thinking about Mommy leaving and start thinking about her coming back with all of those treats for us!”
Cinco: “Those treats are going to be so good! You’re right. I can snuggle Daddy for a couple of days – in a mancatly way.”
Manna: “Good. So get on with tip number 1 already.”
Tip #1 : Remind your human when it is time for food.
Manna: “Humans forget about food. They do things like my Daddy is doing in the photo. They just sit there for hours and forget all about food! Sometimes they even forget to feed themselves!”
Cinco: ” All you have to do is go and talk to them. It helps if you rub up against them. If your human’s hearing doesn’t seem to be working right, jump up and look in their face when you talk to them. They read lips pretty well. Start at least half an hour before meal time because humans are slow.”
Tip #2: Don’t let your human eat anything without tasting it first.
Cinco: “Manna, I’m pretty sure this one only applies to ice cream.”
Manna: “No way! You have to taste all of it!”
Manna: ” You have to make sure that it is good for them! You don’t want your human eating nasty stuff do you?”
Cinco: “Well, no…”
Manna: “Then you have to taste it for them! If it isn’t good for them, then you need to eat it all so they don’t get hurt. It’s a very important service we provide really.”
Manna: ” Oh, and humans are messy, so it’s a good idea to clean up after them. Get those pieces of food off of the floor for them! Lick the dishes in the sink if they don’t clean them too.”
Tip #3: Help your humans with their social media.
Cinco: “If you are a kitty with a social media presence, you will have to keep an eye on what your human is doing online.”
Manna: “Cinco, your eyes are closed in this photo.”
Cinco: “It is a figure of speech, Manna! Anyway, I assist my Mommy when she uses the computer and when she is just checking things on her phone. My spot is right in her lap.”
Tip #4: Exercise your human.
Manna: “Just like kitties, humans need their exercise! You have to play with them regularly. I love this game I play with my Daddy.”
Cinco: “The two of you will have to play a whole lot more if you ever want to have a physique like mine!”
Manna: ” Are you calling me fat, Cinco?!”
Cinco: “You are a little fluffy around the middle! Look at that belly!”
Manna: “It is CUTE, Cinco. CUTE! Don’t make me…”
Cinco: “Next tip!”
Tip #5: Tuck your humans in at night.
Manna: “You need to tuck your human into bed every night when they go to sleep. This shows the humans that they are safe from all of the boogie monsters.”
Cinco: “There are no boogie monsters.”
Manna: “I know that and you know that, but humans seem to think they are there. Just tell them that you eat boogie monsters so they don’t have any nightmares.”
Cinco: “I like to sleep near Mommy’s butt.”
Manna: “You have a thing for butts don’t you.”
Manna: “Oh brother!”
How do your cats take care of you?